That is my question. I have been wondering for awhile now.
Too many people to leave behind, I know, but I will gain some happiness in leaving.
Selfish, that's what it is, I know, yet I know it is selfish of everyone to ask me all this.
It's only a thought, but I do wonder, what would happen if I were to die?
Is that when people really start to care?
When you realize you've lost what you love the most?
It would be stupid of me to do that.
Aye, I can think of so many things people would say.
But I wouldn't care because...
they don't walk in my shoes
they don't live my life
its not half-bad really, I'd switch but then I won't
I just don't feel capable sometimes to carry on
I feel unfit or something, like this is wrong

Why does the thought of hurting myself appeal to me?
Self-twisted thought process or am I better this way?

I've been at lower points in my life....
once when I thought my parents would kill me for something I did...
I was planning on running away in the middle of the night...
I was locked up for the summer in my house until school started...
Nothing traumatic really...I did do something stupid and they didn't disown me...

But I want to escape, I wanna be free from these invisible chains holding me
Feels like everywhere I go there is something holding me back from doing what I want

I'm thinking...even if something I do hurts someone I care about...she'll be better bcuz
she isn't selfish like me...she'll live for my brother and sister...
I can do what I want, I want to, I'm sick of being here for everyone and not having that someone be there for me...

Do you know what it feels like to be neglected growing up?
Other things were more important, that's how I felt growing up...
I used to thing something was wrong with me, that I was the defect child
that's why no one would want to talk to me, no one wanted to be my friends,
but here I am, I've made friends, and have watched them go one by one
I can keep them long enough, something I do always turns out wrong...
And for the people I care about, they know who they are, they've given nothing less
of temporary bliss and for that I'm grateful but I can't go on like that forever...

Unless I find some solution to everything I can't rest my mind....
I already messed up a semester, almost did the same for the second
I'm not getting any better...my grades may have been better than failing
but inside I feel like I'm slowly dying...

Its hard to know that once a day someone makes me smile to have someone break it
I hate feeling so fragile-like avoiding people so they won't hurt me cuz I can be so weak
I hate this feeling, having to tip-toe around everyone not to trouble them

I dunno anymore...thinking things again and again and again and over again

Whether this is right or wrong...?

I can't just leave my family...I duno, I wish I could make things work...
They aren't bad really, we just have a lot of misunderstandings but thats ok...
I'll figure something out, I'll have to at least to keep my sanity...
or I just might hurt myself instead and I dont wana do that...

Tomorrow Comes Lyrics by David Usher [link]

I can see miles above the clouds
And what was it like on the day you fell to Earth
Knocked you out cold it's just as well
Cause people are cruelest when they don't know

Hello (Hello)
Hello (Hello)
The ships are leaving late this evening
Hello (Hello)
Hello (Hello)
You can't deny that you don't need it now

Where will be whem tomorrow comes?
When all the stars are dying in the sky?
Where will we be when tomorrow comes?
Only the satellites are circling tonight
Tonight

I can see blood behind your eyes
And what was it like on the day you knew you died?
Knocked up on things I don't know why
Cause people are cruelest when they won't mind

Hello (Hello)
Hello (Hello)
The ships are leaving late this evening
Hello (Hello)
Hello (Hello)
You can't pretend that you don't need it now

Where will we be when tomorrow comes?
When all the stars are dying in the sky?
Where will we be when tomorrow comes?
Only the satellites are circling tonight
Tonight

Hello (Hello)
Hello (Hello)
The ships are leaving late this evening
Hello (Hello)
Hello (Hello)
You can't deny that you don't need it now

Where will we be when tomorrow comes?
When all the stars are dying in the sky?
Where will we be when tomorrow comes?
Only the satellites are circling

Where will we be when tomorrow comes?
When all the stars are dying in the sky?
Where will we be when tomorrow comes?
Only the satellites are circling tonight
Satellites are circling tonight

What was it like just to have it all
Then it slipped right through your hands
How did it feel at that moment
When the Earth stopped turning?